Throughout most of my life I have been a lively, curious and outgoing person. I would do what interests me, I would take days off of work if I felt like it, I would see the world around me as a giant playground just waiting for me to play. A few years back all of that changed.
Life caught up with me.
For a few years now I’ve been jaded. I’ve found it hard to have fun at anything that didn’t start with me drinking first. A wall grew around me and I started shutting friends out. I stopped hiking and camping, drawing and poetry, exploring both cities and nature. I viewed the world as a beaten down old man. I’m only 33 years old at the moment.
So much had happened to me over the years I believe it just finally caught up with me. I’ve grown tired and sore, I work more, I have people I need to take care of. Recently though, I wrote a novel. Like, holy shit! I wrote a novel!!! Yesterday I took pictures with my phone in a tunnel I was working in. I used to do a ton of photography and if I remember, was pretty good at it. I saw that tunnel as a playground and not my job site. I was walking back and forth looking at every little detail, trying to create beauty through a lens.
As I woke up this morning(a pillow smashed into my face, forcing me out of a lovely dream) I saw my bedroom a little differently. My lady looked just a little more beautiful than she has in a long time and even though we’ve been fighting, I wasn’t mad. This coffee I’m drinking tastes absolutely wonderful. The music I’m listening to, amazing.
I realize now, as I type this, that I’m waking back up from a self imposed nightmare that was brought about by responsibility. The kid in me didn’t want to grow up and had been fighting back tooth and nail. Well, I am grown up and though I act accordingly, I put the kid on the shelve and in essence, put myself on the shelf as well. Today, all of that changes. Today, I am climbing back into my own skin and looking at the world through my own eyes.
I don’t know exactly how this realization came about. Maybe it was the novel. Maybe it was the pictures. Maybe both. I don’t know. What I do know is that right now, everything is brighter, more colorful than it has been in years. I’m excited for my day off.
What will I create today?